Valerie

It’s All Right

It’s my 4th day in my college and things seem to fall into place pretty nice. First dinner was a roller coaster cause having to start a conversation with people totally out of my comfort zone SUCKED! Pushed myself hard to open up, be a little more thick-skin etc.

Day One
There was a party on the first night.. But the moment my parents left the college to head back to their hotel, I freaked out. Went into the lounge, trying to start a conversation but it turned out so awkward. Naturally, I rushed back to my room to hide. Called Marcus to hear his voice so that I could just get over my fear however ended up crying a little. Totally fucked up, I swear!

I sucked it up and decided to put in more effort. As I left my room, my neighbour (Imogen) was preparing to leave for the party too. She approached me and yeah, started to talk quite a bit. Hung out with her most of the time at the party, and PHEW~ I had a good time in the end. Clubbed till no tomorrow! I guess I caught her at the right time? She’s been wonderful.. Introduced me to her friends, talked to me if I ever felt homesick etc. Never felt better!

Side tracking here: Imo introduced me to her childhood friend, Nick. We talked a lot that night and it felt nice. BUT! The stuff he was telling was OMFG-SHIT! I’ll just state the subjects to summarise it all: Drugs, alcohol, drunk, snort, weed, bong, commerce ball, 11,000 word worth of research, alcohol, drugs, alcohol, drugs.

Day Two
Ah, the day my parents left. It was EMOTIONAL! My mom was tearing when she left, what’s worse, she didn’t even wanna leave my room. Damn.. I don’t wanna cry hence, I was struggling to keep my eyes dry. The moment I saw them walk out of the gate, I cried for an hour (with pauses in between). Then I just told myself like wth, suck it up! I started looking for my photos and pasting them onto my walls. This activity kept me alive man, occupied my emo mind for a bit.

So again, I caught Imo at the right time. She just got back from school luh. The moment she knew I was down, she stood by my door and chatted with me. Despite the fact that she was drenched head to toe thanks to the rain. (WHY THE HELL DOES IT RAIN DURING THE WINTER?! NO FUCKING IDEA) Anyway, I’m thankful to have her as my neighbour. Truthfully, if she wasn’t there, I think I might have given the formal dinner a skip.

Ah yes, formal dinner. Imo and I headed down to the dining hall together for the reception. As usual, there was alcohol  but the high classy type; wine. Every one was dressed up all handsome and pretty! It was literature night so there was a talk given by an author. As much as I would love to give it a listen, it’s still literature! I almost fell asleep. The highlight was the food. Huge lamb on a pile of mashed potatoes and green beans were presented nicely on the plate, sort of in a French-style. Dessert was served as well but it’s so darn sweet!

And this was the night, I made friends with another neighbour, Phoebe! She’s cute and her dressing is stylish. She’s really nice too! I guess she pretty quiet or something.. Idk, but she’s nice (: The moment she said, “Oh, we should go shopping one day!” MY EYES OPENED SO WIDE! Heh, we exchanged numbers and all uh.

Day Three
I met a few fellow Singaporeans the day before and exchanged numbers with Min Zhi. She’s friendly, ah heck! Every one’s friendly in Janet Clarke Hall actually. But not all of them are that approachable to hang out with :/ Anyway, so we planned to have breakfast this morning since class starts at 9am! Good start (:

After class, met another new friend, Alex, for lunch! Japanese food on Lygon Street wasn’t that bad (: Because class ended at 11am? We attended a talk to pass time but it didn’t work so headed to the city to chillax! Good girl time (: And life in Melbourne started to turn around!

Dinner was fun as well! Had dinner with Phoebe in the dining hall and heh, sat at a table with funny people. Had good laughs and all of them were wonderful. And Rebecca Black has a new song?! WHY HASN’T ANYONE INFORMED ME ABOUT IT!

Day Four
Haven’t been sleeping well lately. Sucks to be honest, though I brought my bolster from home, ineffective! Urg.. Due to my inability to sleep in, I gave Phoebe a wake up call at 7am (5am SG Time) so she’d go for her dental appointment on time!

Okay, gotta go. I’m shit late to meet Alex and Damien for lunch!

Unworthy

I have a problem; something that I can never control. I confide in practically anybody so I’m literally this walking transparent sheet which you could simply read off expressions and feelings.

So this goes to say that I easily “trust” people, with my feelings. Not like life or death, just feelings and thoughts. Yup, this is my problem.

Because of this, I meet new people, make good friends outta them but after 3 years, I distant myself from them and shut out. Why? Pretty simple. They were not “friends you wanna be with”.

And after 2 mistakes, I’ve done it again. And this took me 6 years to realize.

Were you there for me when I’m down, B? Have you even asked me out because you genuinely wanted to hang out with me? Or because you just needed some soul for company? Have you ever been selfless towards me? Have you ever treated your friends with respect? Have you ever wanted to spend time with me before I headed to Aussie? Have you sent me your wishes to show that you care for me like I’d do? Did you even bother saying bye to me at the airport?

So B.. Among these, how many “I have” have you got? Almost none? Yeah I thought so.

I’m scraping you off my “Loves List”.. I can never be bothered with you anymore. Heck, I don’t even wanna feel anything for you so to be affected by your every word and action.

I don’t hate you but I hate what you’ve done and said.

“val’s farewell party is lame.. Rather go Wendy’s BD party?”

Yeah okay.. Did you know how OUCH that was? But you know what, whatever, it’s your life. I ain’t part of it anyway. Dad’s right, you’ll never make a good friend. Cause you’re selfish, obnoxious and prideful. You never wanted a better life for yourself anyway. All you want are play, girls and sex. There’s a thing that every one’s familiar with and that is “growing up”. We’re on our way to a better life ahead but are you?

I hope all ends well for you. I wish you all the very best. See you end year, and maybe not. I don’t know, we’ll see how it goes.

Val.

Change for a Start

Last Tuesday marks the start of a new chapter.. Foreign for now yet meaningful in the long run. But that’s how “change” is.. I’ll get used to it, I hope. I’ll look for whatever positive distractions I can find..

On a vacation with my parents for now.. Been on a road trip for probably 4 to 5 days now. It’s been nothing but fun (: The last week I get to spend with my loving parents for a wave of 5 months. I have been complaining a lot about them but I’ll miss them for sure.

Just gonna briefly list the things I’ve done so far:
Open an Aussie bank account
Got an Aussie telephone line (number’s SO DARN LONG to remember!)
Trout Fishing
Mainly road trips luh..

So lazy to blog now.

Gonna return Whatsapp-ing and Twittering my baby boy and Vin (:
<3 <3 <3